On Reaching for My Full Height

Or thoughts on social anxiety and shrinking oneself.

One of the reasons I love social media is because I can be mindlessly scrolling my feed and see something that packs a punch. Like the above tweet. 

I have always claimed to be a private person. It’s not just privacy, though, it’s also mild social anxiety, something I didn’t know until this past year when I learned that social anxiety is the intense fear of being judged. While my social anxiety hasn’t been completely debilitating, I can recognize the role it plays, especially when I realize some of my behaviors match those of others with social anxiety. 

There are other factors, of course, that play into this notion of being a private person. I grew up in a fairly conservative home and came to many typical coming of age experiences late as a result. I also had to unlearn certain ways of thinking and embrace new ones. 

I’ve also been single for awhile now and when single...you just hold so much more of yourself inside. Of course, I have wonderful friends and family members, but the pandemic has driven more of a wedge into relationships which is completely understandable. But it remains a factor.

I like to think I’m getting better and embracing and showcasing my many sides, but this tweet was a good reminder that I probably have room to grow.

Thank you for signing up for my newsletter! My goal is to send a newsletter every Sunday. Your readership matters to me as I stumble and fumble my way back to writing about my life with as much openness and vulnerability as I can muster.

I ache to grow in 2021 and learning is part of growth. So each week I thought I would also share something or some things I learned. Knowing that I plan to do this means I will hold myself accountable to actually doing it….I hope. 

I recently switched from Android to iPhone! This was something I had put off forever because of the learning curve, but once I got a MacBook Air I was sold on the idea of a complete switch. However, I was switching from my Samsung Note 8 which still had a headphone jack...which was helpful for connecting my phone to my radio in my very old car that is decidedly not smart. Suddenly realizing I might be completely dependent on CDs was depressing so I did some research. Turns out there are handy little devices that cost less than $20 that you can use in your cigarette and connect your phone to via bluetooth...and then connect to an unused frequency on your FM radio station. 

It was easy to set up, cheap, and works well! So I learned something new AND I don’t have to get a new car yet...though I am definitely eyeing one (electric) for the future.